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Two Weeks and Wondering

In six days, I will serve as deacon at my best friend from seminary's priesting in TN and then serve for his first Eucharist as Celebrant.  In another six days after that, I myself will be ordained to the Sacred Order of Priests.  The following day I will celebrate my first Eucharist on III Advent at my parish.  So I sit here during my sabbath day, contemplating the future, not willing to wish my life away, but beginning to wonder what the future may hold: for me, for us (including Heart Of My Heart), for our families, friends, our parish and the wider Church.  

Yesterday, during announcements at our last service before the final dismissal, I told my congregation I had served my final time on Sunday as a deacon at our altar.  I shared I would be away next weekend.  And although I will be at our altar two more times as deacon during this and next week's midweek service, the next time they see me serve on a Sunday will be as priest in the church and Celebrant of the Eucharist.  I asked that they be gentle with me as I will try to be gentle with them.

'Tis a strange feeling to contemplate all the changes in oneself when authority is granted by the Church to celebrate that sacred mystery. It has been a wild and strange journey to arrive at this point.  To consider when we are the vehicle through which ordinary bread and common wine becomes, for us, the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ.  I know that that blessing from God comes through the Holy Spirit descending upon those gifts which makes that transformation possible; it comes through me, but not from me. And yet I still am humbled and just a bit terrified about standing in that place, reciting those words, making those manual actions which people of faith have come to accept as making Eucharist.

I am not yet ready ... yet, but I believe I will be.  As ready as possible for when human agency stands in the place to do God's work, for God's people, for God's greater glory.  The Examination of the Ordinand(s) concludes with the Bishop saying, "May the Lord who has given you the will to do these things give you the grace and power to perform them."  The answer of the Ordinand(s) is "Amen."  I pray God's grace will enable me to do these goods works as a faithful minister of Christ's love for this sinful and broken world.  May it be so with me, O Lord.

Almighty Father, your Seeking Servant prays for guidance.  Always, in all ways.  Amen.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Dec. 5th, 2012 09:58 pm (UTC)
You Are Ready
I have just read your Monday entry on your web site and the first comment - "You are ready !". I know when you serve as Celebrant for the first time you will have butter flies in your gut, and I wish I could tell you that such a feeling will go away, but don't be surprised when it keeps coming back.( At least it always has for me.)

You wouldn't be in that position if God didn't want you there and he knows that "You are ready."

I have had a lot of disappointments in my life but I must admit that not being able to be there to lay hands on you at your ordination to the Priesthood is next to the top of my list. Not being present to receive communion from you as you serve as Celebrant takes the top of my list. I have looked forward to that ever since you answered that still strong call from God to go to Seminary to commence your journey.

I've got to stop now as I am having a difficult time writing this letter. All I can say in closing is that your Mom and I both will be there in spirit.

God's peace and blessings.

Love,Dad
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )